Life

Setting Goals vs What really matters?

What matters most can be a loaded question. The answer depends on who’s asking and who’s being asked.

With the arrival of the new year, the prosperity of a blank slate shines bright and clean. When that new year rolls around we ask ourselves “Ok, what are my goals? What am I going to start/stop doing?”

90% of the time for me that answer begins with “eat less [insert food] and do more [insert exercise move I absolutely despise].”However, setting goals means nothing if we don’t understand the purpose behind them. The ‘why’ is just as important and is the power that drives the ‘what’.

When we ask ourselves ‘what are my goals for this year?’ It will often result in answers such as buying a first home, travel the world,  make more money, lose weight, stop smoking etc. All perfectly good goals but they have their flaws. The problems lies in the fact that these goals are set without a purpose in mind. Why do you want to travel? How will this add value to your current life’s state?

These are the reasons it is more beneficial to ask the question what matters most to you.

Better relationships? Finding love? More freedom with your time?

Finding out what matters to you most is a tool that will help narrow down the list of abundant unnecessary goals. It will help decipher and focus on what really motivates you, what makes you happy and what keeps you passionate. From there, you build your goals with substance and meaning.

In other words, know what you’re doing it and why you’re doing it.

  • Goal: I want to lose 10 kgs
  • Why: Because it will mean a healthier and more energetic me that will ultimately lead to better lifestyle.
  • Goal: I want to work less hours
  • Why: Because I want to create a better work/life balance. This will allow me to create a stronger relationship with my family.
  • Goal: I want to travel the world
  • Why: This will let me met new people and gain experience outside of my comfort zone that will filter into other aspects of my life.

These are a few examples…

Let’s plan for 2016 to bring positivity, prosperity, strength and tiny bit of drama. Because let’s be real, life ain’t life without a bit of drama. Just try not to attract too much and learn how to handle it better.

Lisa x

 

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Women on women and not the way your thinking…

Lately I’ve noticed an influx of posts on my Facebook feed discussing issues surrounding gender stereotypes, equality and society standards. Most of which are directed towards either women and girls and their ‘place’ in today’s world.

Majority of the blogs I’ve read highlight the ideas and pressures that society has put on women from a young age. “Marriage, children and career all by 30”. Fail to tick all three boxes and you will be branded unsuccessful OR “if you have a uterus you must put a baby in it otherwise your making a mistake” OR “you shouldn’t wear so little, you might trigger a chemical reaction in a mans brain that will cause him to lose control of his actions. For which you will be responsible for.” Blah, blah, blah.

Now, if your a man and reading the above paragraph made your balls shrivel and testosterone drop instantly, feel free to take a backseat because the following is not addressed to you.

After reading really opinionated blogs about feminism, social equality etc, I always scroll through the comments section. Because lets be honest, that’s where shit gets real.
One comment stood out and it was from a man. To place a direct quote he said:

“why do women care so much about other women? Men really don’t give a shit.”

That honest comment made me laugh like crazy mainly because it made so many women mad as hell. *shocker*

I thought about it for awhile and it’s true to say that Gandalf_24 was right.
Women are the main fuel source behind most of these ideas. Ironically, women insist other women must have children before their biological clock runs out and they die miserably.
They must seek marriage before they become expired goods. The list goes on. As women we have a horrible tendency to make these assumptions and perhaps can’t see we are contributing heavily to these ideas.

This is not about gender equality, feminism or social standards. My opinion is shaped around the idea that women need to cease judging other women around these issues. I personally have definitely been guilty of this. Considering the century we live in women no longer do what they used to back in the 50’s. Hell, we have generations that will never know what a CD is let alone be aware of the 50’s. So why do we hang onto to these ideals that are no longer realistic? And why do we push them on other women but get all defensive if they get push onto us?

Call it my own personal opinion but men really don’t give a shit. Seriously. I’ve had this confirmed by several reliable sources*.

I guess my overall point is some views on women are terribly out dated and as women we should make a conscious effort to stop pushing certain values on other women.

Yet, some will not agree and will continue to remind me that I’m still an unmarried female with a child. To those women I will politely say please…..

……………… pipe the f#!$ down.

*Reliable sourcing meaning my boyfriend Brandon, Gangdalf_24 and My cat (he’s a boy).

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Pregnancy tests, tears and foiled plans.

2014 is the year I became a mother for the first time. This experience gave me both heart palpitations and a minor stoke. To be quite honest, this was not planned. Considering I was the girl who had a magical plan in my head as how I was going to bring kids into this world. The plan was, first I would marry either Joseph Gordon Levitt or Dwayne Johnson and we live happily in a million dollar Miami Mansion. Then at 30, just like Beyonce, I would plan to have my first child. He or she would be born into my financially wealthy lifestyle, with a 10 bedroom house, have the ability to travel the world and I would not get one stretch mark.   Did I say plan? I meant unrealistic fantasy.

As fate would have it (or a lapse in sensible decision making) I fell pregnant at 23. I remember feeling ill for a week, then two weeks, then three weeks. I figured since I was early winter that I had caught some kind of super bug that wasn’t going away, I laugh at this now. Out of pure curiosity I took an at home pregnancy test. Low and behold …. negative. Weight off my shoulders and off to the liquor store I went (I’m joking, I sent Brandon instead).  Still feeling miserable and suspiciously nauseous I take a second test a couple weeks later. Then again only one pretty line appeared, negative.

It just so happened to be by chance that pregnancy test had a ‘buy two get one free’ deal on at the pharmacy. I guess this is for the dumb asses like me that take the first two test too early. So I decide you use the third one about a week later, you know just for fun.

HOLY SHIT BALLS.

The WHAT THE F*#K is that second line doing there!? This test is broken! Where’s the complaints phone number? They sold me a dodgy test, someones already pee’d on this one! After this came a few tears followed by buckets of them. I was floored. This was not my plan. However, as much of a cold punch this was to the system, I couldn’t help but have a little smile creep in.

After the dust had settled and the nerves had worn off I told my partner Brandon. Then we went back to square one and cried all over again. We had it confirmed by the doctor who kindly said “congratulations” as I sobbed uncontrollably in her office. Then she strategically slipped me a variety of pamphlets. One so epicly titled “Teen pregnancy. What should I do?” Thanks bitch but I was 23 and hardly a teen. We drove around for about an hour, kind of in a blank daze. Not really knowing what to say to one another.

About a week past and at that stage I can honestly say we did consider having a termination. Not out of selfishness or unwillingness to have kids, but out of pure fear of “we don’t know what the hell we’re doing!” We couldn’t grasp the concept of us being parents when most times we forget to feed the cat. We didn’t think it was in our capabilities to take care of and raise a child. The turning point was when we discussed this. Neither one of us could come up with a genuine reason besides fear to go through with a termination. So, we can’t just drop everything and go out clubbing. So what! We can’t selfishly spend our money on ourselves anymore? Who cares! All these little details just did not matter and still don’t matter.

We made the best decision we ever have and I doubt there will be another to top it. Having a kid in 2014 was not the plan, but to be honest I’ve never stuck to plans anyway. I’m the type of person who consistently writes a grocery list of veggies, meat and health foods. Then forget the list at home and come home with chocolate ice cream to go with my chocolate sauce and chocolate sprinkles.

Moral of the story? For me, it’s that things happen. Screw your plan. You can either fall in defeat or rise to challenge. Guess what? It was nowhere near as horrifically terrifying as people make it out to be.

To contradict many theories about having children. No, your life is not over. No, you will not be broke. No, you do not have to be anti-social and lose all your friend (although the ones you do lose won’t matter).

Yes, you can still achieve your life goals. Yes, your can still travel the world. Yes, you can still have friends. Yes, you can still go out for dinners, attend parties, go shopping, head to the movies. Although these thing may take a little bit of extra effort they are still possible. More than anything though, Yes, It means life will change for all the right reasons.

Life’s journey is about striving for your idea of success and happiness. I’m just lucky now have a permanent little buddy by my side the whole way..

“What it’s like to be a parent: It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.”
Nicholas Sparks

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24.

Last Month I turned 24. It’s not a mile stone but still significant in its own right. In 24 years I have grown my knowledge, learnt valuable lessons and developed skills. Although most would say my journey is in its early stages, there are a few points in life in which I have already made my mind up on. I actually got this blog post idea from a gorgeous friend of mine. Check her blog out if you want to re-defy and expand what you think you know about music.  www.dovesdiary.com 

Here’s 24 things I think are invaluable and worth noting down….

1. Take care of your body, it’s the only one you have and will ever get.

2. Thank others. Regardless of whether someone holds a door open for you or saves you life. Always say thank you.

3. Let go of grudges. They only make you bitter and angry.

4.  Don’t fit your goals to accommodate your circumstances. Adjust your circumstances to accommodate your goals.

5. Realize your features are what you were born with. That big nose you think you have or those ‘no-gap’ having thighs are all part of you. They come from some who lived before you whether it be your mother or as far back as your great-great grandfather.

6.Once in awhile make an indulgent purchase. Shoes, Books, furniture whatever make you momentarily happy.

7. Your allowed sad days once in a blue moon. On these days stay home, eat popcorn and watch a movie. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

8.Always help the elderly. Whether they need it or not, at least offer.

9. When people come to your house offer tea/coffee/water whatever. Don’t let this act of politeness fade away.

10. Expand your music collection. You would be amazed what golden songs stay out of your radio stations rotation.

11. Say yes sometimes even when you feel like saying no. You never know what could eventuate and it could be beautiful.

12. There is never a RIGHT time to do anything e.g have kids. If things happen then they are meant to be and you either fall because of it or rise to the challenge.

13. When bad things happen (which they do), Take it. Embrace it. Then move on with your life…

14. Spend time with family or the ones that are just as close. If I need to explain why then It’s obvious you need to do this ASAP.

15. Make an effort for good friends. The amount of good friends you have you can normally count on one hand.

16. Cut back on the cheap fast-food.  It’s like a one-night stand. Every so often it relives a craving but have it too much and you’ll regret it every time.

17. Your parents/family should be your only role models.

18.Don’t go to over priced cafes just because of the statues. Go if the food is actually good. Majority of my favourite spots are hidden in underground food courts and cheap as anything. Expensive does not mean good.

19. Staying on the subject of food, be open. Try other cultural tastes and dining experiences.

20. The world nor anyone in it owes you anything. Unless they borrowed money and you want it back, but other than that…..

21.Before you react to anything, take a step back. Swallow your pride and look at it from another perspective. This way you can react truthfully and unbiasedly.

22. Exercise. Even I hate this one but without some form of exercise you’ll become lazy and lazy people don’t survive in a Zombie Apocalypse

23. Smile at strangers.

24. Just do nice things for others. Why? Because it’s just a damn nice thing to do. There doesn’t always have to be something in it for you.

Tofa.

Lisa  x

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A Wise Man Once Said…

Majority of my time spent on YouTube is spent either watching the latest music release or perfecting my ‘winged eye-liner look’, These minutes feel empty. Frequently, I address my potato like state when I think “I’m sure I could be doing something more productive with my time”. With that being said I still type in ‘Kevin Hart’ and proceed with my evening.

I sometimes forget the internet is drenched in knowledge that can strengthen our brains, instead of depleting cells.

Below is a golden example. Normally the world’s funny man, Jim Carrey delivered an emotionally stimulating speech to the  2014 MUM Graduates. He spoke honestly and happily about the powers and talent we hold as individuals.

What I found most appealing about Carrey’s speech lies in both his content and the delivery. Carrey spoke truthfully about his view on life and how his mindset got him to where his is today. His delivery of the speech can only be described as genuine. His enthusiasm, expressions and subtle hints of humor left no room for doubt that he – with all his power – 100% belieived in every word that left his mouth. This was refreshing to see. I adored every word of this presentation and I have faith that you will too.

A good note to end the weekend on and begin tomorrows chapter.

Full Speech: Jim Carrey’s Commencement Address at the 2014 MUM Graduation

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This is going to be a mushy ‘mum’ post. Feel free to skip this one, no hard feelings.
At 4.25am this morning, I was up changing a dirty nappy and feeding my daughter. I was tired, cold and to be honest, just over it. As exhausted and miserable as I was feeling at the time, when went back to my warm bed my only thought was ‘I’m so damn happy to be in this situation’.
All through life we make decisions. Some we regret, some seem like a good Idea at the time and some led us to be in our current situation. Whatever the decision, we made it and we either reap the rewards or live with the consequences.
I look at my daughter and I can honestly state, having her was the best decision I ever made. Period.
I do ask myself on a regular basis, what do I aim to achieve in life? Of course I have my goals in which I work to achieve. However, if I died tomorrow, hell if I died in 100 years, no matter what I achieve personally, financially or socially. She will always be my greatest achievement.

In her life, I get to be her greatest teacher. What she turns out to be, will be a direct result of my lessons. As daunting as this thought feels, it excites me to know that I can teach her those lesson anyway I see fit. Sure, she’ll get conventional education too, like maths, grammar and science if she wishes. I’m happy leave this to the paid educators. I get to teach much more influential topics. I get to teach her how to control her emotions and not let angry or sadness get the better of her. I’ll teach her to be an optimist and to create her own opportunities. To practice patience where it matters most and To be respectful to others, period. This list of ‘life-lessons’ is never ending. I makes me happy to know that this is my responsibility.

There’s nothing to much more to say, except for the fact I pray others get to experience this level of happiness in their lives too.

If a stranger on the street approached you on your way to work and gave you a fresh cup of coffee, what would your instant reaction be? It’s early morning, your tired and a tad grumpy.

Initially I would be taken a back. Then I would be asking ‘what is this for? and ‘ what do you want in return?’. Would you be surprised if this stranger then said they wanted nothing in return and it was for no particular reason. I would. This is because in adulthood it is embedded in us that ‘nothing comes free’ or ‘everything happens for a reason’. In most situations this is true. So it’s no wonder most people, myself included, find it hard to grasp the concept of ‘Doing good for others and expecting nothing back“. We always believe that every Bad action has a consequence and every good deed deserves a reward. We know it so well, that we expect it. Therefore, If someone did some kind gesture for me both unprovoked and without reward, I would find it difficult to comprehend.

As I’ve gotten older, smarter, wiser ( and continue to try and get skinnier), it has become easier to see the positive benefits of giving to others. Sometimes , I can get so wrapped up in achieving for greatness for  myself that I fail to realize the genuine happiness surrounding me. You can not buy gratitude from someone who’s wallet you just returned with all their money in it. You can’t purchase appreciation from the old lady who you just helped carry her groceries to her car.  However you can receive great pleasure from knowing you did something nice for someone else that day. Big or Small these gestures are what make the world a slightly better place, even for a brief moment.

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Do good for others and expect nothing back.

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