Opinions

The things they don’t write in parenting books.

It’s a well known fact that parenting is like a ever-changing obstacle course with no map or signs that your on the right path.

Thankfully though, we are no longer in 1940 where women and men stay silent about their parenting concerns. We are lucky enough to have an endless supply of books, support groups, antenatal classes and even the internet to educate ourselves on what is going to be one hell of a ride.

HOWEVER.

In the last two years I have learnt there are many ‘FYI’s’ that are left out of the available learning material.

This became more apparent when recently I had a run in with a very obnoxious couple while I was out shopping one day. The books I read didn’t teach me how to handle these social interaction so I had to improvise.

This couple was young, clearly did not have kids and felt the need to express their self-entitlement.

I was in line for food with my 2 year old and yes, I had my pram. Because a pram is the most vital piece of equipment to help  stabilise an unpredictable toddler, hold my shopping bags and keep my sanity intact (put that in your advertising Kmart!).

The line moved forward so naturally,  I followed.

While I stood there this couple started walking in my direction. I figured there’s a tone of space behind me so surely they’ll walk around me right? In a way, they did but they sure made it clear they weren’t happy about having to take approximately 3-4 extra steps to pass by.

The comment from the male: “Way to block the fucking path with your pram.”

Followed by an ignorant murmur from his underage girlfriend “Wow…your so smart lady. Fuck sacks.” said sarcastically.

They both gave me evil looks as their shopping bags purposefully smacked the pram.

PAUSE.

First of all, I was lucky enough to get through 1 hour of shopping without a tantrum.

Second, as a reward for being an awesome kid we were in line for ice cream and we were having a pleasant day up until this point.                              

Third, do you think because I’m a mum on my OWN that it’s ok to make loud comments like that? Would you have said that if her dad were with me?          

Fourth, did I look like someone who was going to ignore this? Did I have ‘I’m a chicken shit’ written on my forehead? Answer: NO.

RESUME

For some odd reason they assumed I didn’t hear them and they walked by with a thick layer of smugness on their face.

So they got one hell of a fright when I went all Cookie Lyon on them and said

“Excuse you! We’re you talking to me? Cause it sounded like you were. Care to explain?”

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Both look pretty stunned because I guess they weren’t counting on a response. After a few seconds of what I thought was a glorious stare down the guy finally said “oh nah” while he looked at the ground and continued to walk away. His girl was long gone too cause we all know those hoes ain’t loyal.

In that moment it was like catching an under sized fish and thinking ‘should I let this go?’  I had every fibre I my body saying ‘going on, give him a piece of your mind!’ However  I looked at my kid and thought, no. You’re too young to embarrass now, I’ll save the good stuff till your older. So I let him leave with his newly descended testicles. But of course not without one final intense “fuck with me and see what happens” look.

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The point is that shit like that happens all the time and the more comfortable I’ve become in my parenting role the more apparent these situations become.

If the above scenario were to happen when my kid was around the 6 month mark, I most likely would have just ignored it. Because in the back of my mind I may have thought ‘maybe they are right? Maybe I should have stayed home? Maybe I should have made of an effort to move my pram? Because after all, I’m new to all of this.” Thank god I’m not that person now!

Most times your too focused on your kids to even notice or sometimes you do notice but feel it’s not appropriate to say anything.

My advice? SAY SOMETHING.

People may stare at you, give funny looks or whisper about you to their friends. None of that matters. What matters is letting that ‘other person’ know, that shit is not ok.

To summarise,  I’ve made a list of scenarios that have occurred in my short parenting time and what my reactions were. I strongly suggest aligning your attitudes to be some what similar ….

Let us begin:

  • Prams are big and clucky, that just the reality of them. Whether they are designer or the warehouse they are not meant to be invisible and people will need to walk around them.

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  • When your kid cries in public, people will look.

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  • When your kid cries in public, people will judge you.

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  • When your kid cries in public, people will expect you to flick that magic switch to make it stop, they will be super confused when you don’t do this immediately.

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  • When you’re at a seated event with your toddler people will expect good behaviour. If your kid kicks the back of their chair they will give you the ‘why did bring your kid here?’ look. They may even request to move seats.

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  • When you approach the counter to order food with your kid and you maybe trying to teach them some independence by letting them pick and ask for it themselves. You will get toe taps, coughs and loud sighs. These are signals that people are impatient and want you to hurry the hell up.WGAF

I hope you enjoyed this weeks episode, until next time!

 

Lisa x

 

 

 

 

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Life

21 Simple Things We All Find Satisfying as Adults

Having a rough day are we?

Well, your in the right place! Ok, ok so you may have gotten a speeding ticket on the way home. Maybe you just got dumped by your ex who coincidentally really needs YOUR best friend for support. Or maybe your big plans for tonight just fell through after you’ve literally spent 2 hours slapping all the crap on your face in an effort to look good.

Well that sucks but you know what doesn’t? All the little things in your day that you may have ignored to begin with but suddenly are now the highlight of your day. I’ll be honest, I’ve had a few shit days here and there but it’s always been the smallest thing that reignites my optimism. This renewed optimism is usually in the form of instant satisfaction, I enjoy these things so much I made a list!

So, here are 21 little wins that will make your day that much more satisfactory, if they don’t well then make you own list. I’m not your mother.

1. Matching socks.

When this happens it’s proof there is a god. Well, a sock god anyway. If I see a pair of matching sock first thing in the morning then I know … today will be a good day.

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2. Afternoon cuddles with your significant other (human or animal .. sometimes I prefer the latter)  

Honey, I’ve had a rough day can we cuddle on the couch while I watch Game of Thrones? Oh you don’t want to? Tough shit, you’re doing it.

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3. Waking up before your alarm goes off and you’re not tired.

Wow, I’m awake  AND I have Energy!? Wtf is going on here? Well seeing as how I’m up now I might go and work out .. I said MIGHT.

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4. Paying a bill on time.

Victory! Now I don’t have to dodge private number phone calls for the rest of the month. On second thought, I’ll continue to do so just incase…

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5. Sitting in a waiting room and there are up-to date magazines available to read.

The most horrifying thing about a doctors office is being forced to read magazines from 1997 or reader digest. Your having a good day if your in a waiting rooms and the magazine is from this decade. Success!

 

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6. Finding a funny meme online and losing my shit in fits of laughter.

Yes, meme are still funny. IDGAF what people say. example below:

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7. Detouring through a fast food drive through on the way home after a rough day and giving zero f**ks about all your hard work at the gym you’re about to ruin.

It’s been on of those days where you need your best friend by your side. Then you realise your best friend will give you good advice that you just can’t handle right now, so you get a Big Mac instead. Problem solved.

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8. Hanging all your washing out on a sunny day and actually have it dry entirely. 

If you live in Auckland, NZ you will understand how much of a luxury this is.  The weather here is bipolar and the weather man is often 98% wrong most times. If you see sun, get it on the line and pray as you walk away.

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9. Matching Bra and Undies or the male alternative, clean underwear.

Picture John Travolter in Greese and the trail of confidence he leaves behind his swagger of a strut. Yes, today I’m John Travolter and this day is my bitch.

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10. A Full Tank of Gas

Idea: Let’s drive 2 hours out of our way to try that raw vegan cafe I saw on instagram then hit the yoga studio for an hour long session.

Reality: Let’s drive through McDonalds then go to the home, because this gas has gotta last me two weeks.

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11. Brunch

A secret meal you get after breakfast but before lunch. Why did no one tell you about this magical meal when you were little!? Those selfish adults…

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12. Having a group of friends that have actually grown up the same time as you

You know that friend that still lives at home with their parents and has no financial responsibility, doesn’t understand how the real world works and still believes in the tooth fairy? Me neither, I don’t have friends like that.

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13. Being able to watch a TV series from start to finish in the span of 4 days or less. 

So, I haven’t showed in 2 days, my cat is giving me that ‘feed-me or i’ll shit in the house’ look and all of my house plant have died. Regardless, I’ve now watched every episode of GoT and Empire and if I die tomorrow, my soul will be at peace.

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14. Doing the grocery shopping and realising your an adult. Therefore you CAN buy that packet of chocolate biscuits and stash them at the back of the cupboard for later.

Because that’s what adults do to hide things from other adults.

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15. Having a clean car

Huh, so my dash board is actually a light caramel tan, not shit-brown. Go figure…

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16. Having coffee with a good friend

Coffee is improves my energy levels and friendship de-creases my stress levels. A genuine win-win situation.

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17. Spending the whole day secluded for some much needed alone time and eating whatever the f**k you like (pyjamas optional).

Today I will not participate in the world and that’s just fine with me. Regular life will resume tomorrow….

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18. Having a day time nap.

I have a million things on my to-do list and most are classed as urgent, but f**k it…I’m having a nap instead.

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19. Completing your daily to-do list by lunch time.

Wow, now have a spare afternoon with nothing to do, what just happened ? I’m usually much less productive than this! I wonder how long this ‘new me’ is going to stick around?

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20. Finally getting around to doing those chores you alway said you would

I know I said it 6months ago but i mean it this time! Wardrobe organised, check. Shoe closet organised, check. Garden weeding? Um, I would but it looks like it’s going to rain in the next 1-7 days so I’d better not risk it. Oh well.

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21. Dressing for comfort over anything.

Some how my ‘quick trip to the supermarket’ jeans have also become my ‘clubbing’ jeans, ‘daily errands’ jeans, ‘dinner with friends jeans’ and ‘shopping for new jeans’ jeans. Occasionally people compliment me on my ‘effortless and cool style’ but the truth is 90% of my washing is dirty and these were the only clean clothes in reach.

 

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Lisa x

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